It’s amazing when you think about it – the things that divide us as riders. There are so many things that divide us and yet a lot of us gravitate towards each other and in doing so overcome things that can be obstacles.
I think it takes a special kind of person to be able to ride with other people. There’s a measure of agreeableness that is required. We have to be able to get along with other people. Personally, I’ve learned over time to care about the things I am passionate about and to disregard the things I am ambivalent about. So when hotels for a trip are discussed, I just tune out because I know unless it’s a complete disaster, I won’t care. No bugs, hot water and a bed better than sleeping on the floor are the extent of my concerns.
Doing day trips with other riders can be challenging for some. Does everyone ride a Harley and wear leathers? Will I fit in with my adventure bike and high-viz clothing? Will they ride too fast or too slow? Will there be newer riders who I will have to worry about? Will there be people acting like hooligans? To all of the above, maybe, maybe not. One of my favorite words is “equanimity”. A definition is, “mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.” I pride myself on my ability to deal with most situations with equanimity. I aspire to maintain that level of calm composure in all situations and so my default when someone does something I disagree with or that causes me stress is to be non-judgemental and try to empathize. This mindset which I have worked very hard on is very helpful when riding or just being around others.
Equanimity is for some people an inherent skill. It wasn’t for me, it took work to develop. Mindfulness is a big part of my life. Noticing my reactions, in the moment is a skill that is critical to cultivating equanimity. For instance, you’re grabbing a coffee and you find the server curt and almost rude with you. My default reaction might be to get angry and say to myself, “What a jerk!” In that exact moment, I need to notice my reaction and stop to reflect for a second on it. The reality of the situation is we have no idea what’s going on with that person. They could be having a bad day for a variety of reasons. Who knows right?? So instead of making some judgement about the person, I can just shrug it off without judgement and get on with my day.
Leaving judgement behind is key. We have to realize that the story we tell ourselves about why something happens or someone does something has almost nothing to do with it or them, but is primarily about us. We are experts at superimposing our world view onto the actions of others. Once you realize that, you can truly leave judgement behind and embrace empathy.
None of this means we should just meekly accept what happens to and around us and get over it. It just means that we should focus on the very few things that really do matter to us and just let the rest go. Thanks for reading, ride safe!